Quick Summary: Yes, Attachment Styles Can Change
Although your attachment style often stems from early relationships—particularly with caregivers—it is not fixed for life. Therapy, self-awareness, and healthy relationships can lead to gradual but meaningful shifts, especially toward secure attachment, which is associated with better relationship outcomes (Fraley & Shaver, 2000).
What Is Attachment Style?
Attachment style refers to how you emotionally bond and interact with others in close relationships. Developed in early childhood, it continues to shape your adult relationships—romantic, platonic, or familial.
This concept originated from John Bowlby’s attachment theory and was later expanded by Mary Ainsworth’s research on infant-caregiver dynamics.
The 4 Main Types of Attachment Styles
- Secure Attachment
- Feels safe with emotional closeness
- Trusts others easily
- Communicates needs openly
- Anxious Attachment
- Craves closeness but fears abandonment
- Seeks constant reassurance
- Often feels unworthy of love
- Avoidant Attachment
- Avoids intimacy and emotional closeness
- Values independence
- Struggles to express feelings
- Fearful-Avoidant (Disorganized) Attachment
- Both craves and fears closeness
- Often linked to unresolved trauma or abuse
- Push-pull dynamic in relationships
Can Your Attachment Style Change Over Time?
Yes. Attachment styles are malleable, not rigid. While your childhood sets the foundation, adult experiences—such as therapy, mindful self-reflection, or a secure partner—can change the way you relate emotionally.
A 2010 longitudinal study by Gillath et al. found that attachment-related anxiety and avoidance decrease over time, especially with secure relationship experiences.
What Causes Attachment Styles to Shift?
Here are some life events and interventions that may alter your attachment style:
- Therapeutic intervention: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), EMDR, or attachment-based therapy
- Secure romantic relationships
- Supportive friendships
- Mindfulness and emotional regulation techniques
- Personal growth or healing after trauma
Conversely, toxic relationships or trauma can push someone from secure to insecure attachment. It’s a dynamic system, not a diagnosis.
How to Shift Toward a Secure Attachment Style
- Practice self-awareness: Recognize your triggers, especially in conflict
- Challenge core beliefs: “I’m unlovable” or “People will leave me” are not facts
- Set and respect boundaries: Helps build emotional safety
- Seek out securely attached partners or friends
- Go to therapy: Therapists can help rewire emotional responses through relational modeling
